Parents Blaming Wii For Effeminate Violence

Don’t you just feel sorry for parents. I mean, it’s not like it’s possible to parent a kid wrong, yet the world seems bent on ruining kids lives. Take for example the Wii. Where as video games of the past, such as the Grand Theft Auto series, turned young males into macho killing machines, the Wii is supposedly now essentially turning young males into girls. Violent ones too according to Linda Roberts, who is the founder of “Parents Against Wii”. Apparently, parents are confused by a string of attacks, the most by a middle school boy who grabbed and yanked the sweater necks of two of his class mates, which are described as being limp-wristed. Linda Roberts had this to say:

“These games are a prissy little menace to our society. One of these days, the red marks on our children’s arms might not just go away after five minutes.”

Rather than wait for the dreadful day when the marks wont go away for seven minutes, the Parents Against Wii group is taking action now. Striking right at the source, the group is suing Nintendo for, and I’m not kidding, $52 million. Quite frankly, I could go on, but this is just ridiculous. Here are some suggestions for P.A.W, after they’re through losing their lawsuit against Nintendo.

#1: Remove your Wiis from your house. Don’t throw them out though. There are still plenty of pro-Wii parents who can’t find one.

#2: Get an Xbox 360. Once you’ve done that, rent your limp-wristed son a copy of Mass Effect. According to Fox News, it’ll turn him into a good old fashioned womanizer in no time.

#3: Rent a copy of Bully: Scholarship Edition. It will teach your son to fight like a man. To counter the fact that the main character can kiss other males, resort to step #2.

#4: Pre-order Grand Theft Auto 4. The game hasn’t done anything wrong yet, but it’s made by Rockstar, so chances are it will turn your son into a killer.

If you have any other suggestion for the P.A.W group post them in the comments section.

(Update: I would like to clarify that I am aware that The Onion is a satire site, and that this article was not real. Rather then wright “satire sight makes a joke about the Wii” I tried to mimic the style of  humor in my article. I apologize if the humor did not translate.)