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Kororinpa Marble Mania Game Review–What Won’t They Make A Game Of?

It seems like most every time I pick up a Wii game these days I wind up getting slightly freaked out about the whole thing and trying desperately to pin down where the hell the logic is in these things any more.  I’ve seen them make some truly baffling games so far, and frankly, the weirdness only continues.

Today I venture into the depths of Kororinpa Marble Mania for the Nintendo Wii, a game that left me asking the question, is anything so simple and mundane that they WON’T translate it into a Wii game?  I’ve played Wii games around cooking and cleaning and washing things…it’s like there’s no activity so pedestrian that Nintendo or one of its many tentacles (Hudson, I’m looking RIGHT AT YOU) won’t convert it to a game.  I’m eagerly awaiting Super Mario Scratch Your Own Ass, or perhaps Donkey Kong’s Throw Your Feces At Passersby.

Kororinpa Marble Mania, for example, is a game that revolves around rolling a marble down a series of passageways until you manage to roll the ball into a hole marking the end of the course.  Along the way, you’ll be required to roll your marble over red crystals and challenged to roll your marble over green crystals, thus adding a bit of admittedly rather tedious and pointless challenge to your marble rolling agenda.  You’ll roll over a variety of different courses, including courses with walls, courses without walls, courses with slopes and steps and even some traps.  You don’t want to try rolling your marble through honey.  It’s just not pleasant.

I admit that, on certain levels, Kororinpa Marble Mania is actually a mildly fun sort of puzzle chill game that doesn’t require you to do a whole lot, nor does it ratchet your adrenaline levels through the roof.  The best word, for example, to describe the background music is “soothing”.  Indeed, when it’s just you and your marble and rails on the track, the game is downright relaxing.  Take off the rails, however, and things can get a little dicey.  This is really only a problem, of course, because the Wii controls are not well suited to this one.  See, rather than, for example, holding your Wiimote in the eight-bit-game format, or using the nunchuk’s joystick, you’re going to do your track manipulation by pointing your Wiimote straight at the screen, remote control style, and then twisting it from side to side.  Setting up the controls in this way requires you to twist your wrist left and right to twist the controls, and any kind of fine movement in that fashion is pretty much impossible.  This means that you’ll essentially be rolling your marble around by sheer brute force, which is all fine and well if rails are in place, otherwise, it’s an open invitation to repeated failure.

I admit that I liked the idea behind Kororinpa Marble Mania, and enjoyed the game to a certain extent.  However, some very serious flaws in execution kept this game from being all that it truly could have been.  A few minor tweaks would’ve served this one well, and hopefully, the next installment will learn from its mistakes.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time Game Review–Better Than You’d Expect

‘ll be honest with you, folks–you know I always am, but this time I have to be particularly blunt about what I’m saying.  I always get a little freaked out whenever I hear about an RPG for Nintendo’s Wii.  There’s just something so very…not right…about the idea.  See, an RPG, in the commonly meant sense of the term, involves a huge production and graphical overload and a story that goes on and on for days or even weeks.  And when you think of the kind of systems that can handle such a venture, “the Wii” is generally about as far down the list as, say, “Colecovision”.

But even I can be wrong–savor the flavor, kids, because this doesn’t happen very often.  I tried Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time and got a pretty good surprise out of it.

As for the plot…wow.  On RPG Cliche Day–okay, on a young man’s sixteenth birthday, he oversleeps, gets up late and dashes off to his Coming Of Age Ceremony.  Yes, they even CALL it the Coming Of Age Ceremony.  I’m both amazed and horrified.  Anyway, after completing said ceremony, he returns to the village to discover that his best friend’s little sister has contracted some kind of mysterious illness that resembles nothing so much as radiation sickness.  No, really.  And it gets better.  So now, on his sixteenth birthday, the boy has to violate the laws of his village and actually LEAVE to go find medicine to heal the “crystal sickness”.

Yeah, you heard all of that right.  An opening jam packed with cliches leads to a little girl getting radiation sickness that, if she survives it, will actually mutate her into being a super-strong entity with rapid healing powers, which turns out to be the exact same disease the hero had, and then the hero will actually break the law to go fetch medicine but no one seems to care about the legal issues here at ALL.

This may well be the most predictable and yet the most ridiculous game plotline I’ve ever heard.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen so many tropes in one place, only to be followed up by a ridiculous series of plot holes sufficiently large to drive a herd of chocobo through.

And yet, the game play isn’t half bad.  You’ll get some mini-games in the middle of this full-blown series of adventures, and there’s plenty of variety to be had here.  Sure, it’s all a bit cookie-cutter and plain vanilla, but there’s nothing necessarily wrong with it.  It’s a fairly fun game, and with a little bit of excitement.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time isn’t exactly the greatest game ever, but it’s a far cry from the worst, too.  There’s reason enough to give it a try that it’ll make at least a decent rental, even if it won’t wind up taking over your life.  If you’ve got a yen for RPGs and a decent tolerance for half-baked plotlines, you’ll probably have a good time with this one.

Fishing Master World Tour Game Review–Calm and Frantic By Turns

Once, long ago, I discovered the glory of a certain sports game, then on the Playstation 2.  It was Hot Shots Golf, and it became one of my personal favorite relaxation games.  I’d line up my shots, consider angles, and then take my shots, one right after another, on beautiful courses to the sounds of birds and the occasional insect.  After a while, I never thought I’d find a game like that again, until I found Fishing Master World Tour on the Wii.

The plot–and yes, there’s a plot, which actually elevates this one a couple notches–puts you as a young fisherman (in the generic sense–you can be a fisherwoman if the mood so strikes) who’s gone venturing out with his pet dog (or her pet dog, or either of theirs’ pet cat) to become the world’s greatest–a Fishing Master.  And of course, the only way to be a master of anything is by going forth and doing it repeatedly.  If you want to be a Pokemon Master you have to catch a load of pokemon.  But if you want to be a Fishing Master, you’ve got to catch a lot of fish.  Along with plenty of other stuff, including the keys to the boat that’ll be carrying you around the world.  You’ll play various tournaments all over the world, and engage in various quests besides.

The Wii, as you’ve probably already figured out, is pretty much tailor-made for any kind of fishing game.  With its motion capture technology and lower emphasis on graphics, it’s perfect for the kind of gameplay that fishing games require.  You can pull back on the Wiimote to cast, and the nunchuk makes for an excellent rapid-reel system.  The combination of a perfect rod controller and a perfect reel controller, plus a solid overall environment that doesn’t need a whole lot of graphic processing capability–how much computing power do you need to portray a lake with some fish?  They’ve been doing that since back before the PS1, so even the Wii can’t flub this job.

Granted, it’s a fishing game.  More specifically, it’s JUST a fishing game.  All you do is fish.  You’ll cast your line out and you’ll let it sit until you get a bite.  You’ll have the option of selecting various baits, as well as regular chances to upgrade your rods.  But no matter how many fancy bells and whistles are ever attached, at the end of the day it’s still just throw line, catch fish, repeat.

This brings me back nicely to my original point, that this may well be the best chill game I’ve played since Hot Shots Golf.  You cast your line, you catch fish.  But the fish will FIGHT.  And when you get that fight, you’ll really be in for a fight, snapping your rod back and forth to tire out the fish so you can reel it in.  It’s unusually frantic for a game like this, in fact, it’s almost out of place.  But it fits, in its way–that’s what real fishing is.  Long periods of calm punctuated by a fish fighting for its life against nearly impossible odds.

There will still be, however, plenty of long periods of calm, and staring at that bobber, waiting for a fish to strike can be downright reflective.  Relaxing.  And just enough to make Fishing Master: World Tour one of my favorite chill games.

My Sims Party Game Review–Like A Freshman Kegger

Now, you may be asking yourself at this very moment why I would compare a purely nonoffensive game like My Sims Party (now available on, not surprisingly, the Wii) to a high school drinking party?  Well, I actually just told you why, but let me elaborate.  See, a freshman kegger, a high school drinking party, has about as much chance of getting actual alcohol as, say, Dick Cheney has of being elected president.  It would require an incredible intersection of events–extremely permissive parents, an understanding elder relative who didn’t fear anything less than extremely permissive parents, outright bribery–to actually happen, so the result you’re left with is a party that promises to be a lot more than it actually is.

This is, of course, exactly the case with My Sims Party, a game that promises to be a whole lot more than it actually is but seems unable to deliver.

The plot is pretty simple, as is generally the case for Sims games of any stripe–you’ve moved to a new town, which you get to name (I called mine Steveland, because it’s so very plausible and sounds almost exactly like Cleveland, only with two letters changed).  The tourism board of this little town is desperate for a way to keep residents in the town, working and contributing to the tax base–and of course is always looking to bring in more people–thus they’ve hit on the idea of the Festival.  The town regularly (at least once a month from the look of it) declares a holiday and puts on a tournament of various minigames, including running luggage from one side of a hotel lobby to another, dancing at a night club, scooping up to-order ice cream cones and making pizzas.   This all will, of course, be accomplished by doing various things with your Wiimote.

All of this sounds fun enough on the surface–we’ve played a literal slew of games like this already–but the big problem with this one isn’t the cutesy-poo characters or the repetition or the fact that most of the “games” at this Festival look like a way for the townspeople to get free labor out of us, but rather that the controls are seriously malfunctioning.  When I went to rock out at the dance club, they assured me that all I’d have to do is “shake my Wiimote”, which sounds a lot dirtier than it actually is, but when the time came to do the shaking, it refused to accept my commands no matter which direction or how hard i shook the Wiimote.  Worse yet, it wouldn’t even accept simple button press commands.  Scooping the ice cream cones was also not an easy thing as my scoop would frequently overshoot the particular flavor of ice cream I was after.

So that’s why the comparison, and that’s why I can’t recommend this game at all.  Sure, it looks like it’d be a lot of fun.  it even sounds like a party.  But when you get there and discover that the promised keg is nowhere to be had and the game barely recognizes that you even have a Wiimote, there’s just not that much point in sticking around.

Mario Kart Wii Game Review–Time For Hyperbole

I’m generally not given to hyperbole, especially in the headlines of pieces I write, but there’s just no other way to put this.  Mario Kart Wii, for the Wii, may well be the best racing game I’ve played yet.

There really isn’t much of a plot here to speak of, but basically, you play as one of the various characters from the Nintendo universe, from King Boo to Wario to Diddy Kong and all the way back around to the standards.  You’ll then mount a go kart, or a motorcycle, at three varying levels of engine power and proceed to run amok on a series of wild tracks.

That may be it for the plot–and yes, by any standard this game has virtually no functioning narrative to speak of–but that’s not it for the game itself.  The game itself, you see, is a riot of fun things to do as you drive your go kart or motorcycle on a panoply of tracks with all sorts of different designs.

There’s a whole lot of fun involved in driving through a shopping mall (the Coconut Center) at breakneck speeds, whether you’re doing it on a go kart, or the admittedly much more fun motorcycle.  Seriously–who here hasn’t pictured the sheer amount of mindless fun involved in riding a dirt bike through a mall?  Bouncing up stairs and escalators, jumping fountains, tearing around columns in a beautiful slalom?  It’s fun on a bun, that’s what it is, plain and simple.  Though I have to admit, my time spent driving on the Rainbow Road left a lot to be desired.  Just try driving on a track several hundred miles above the Earth’s surface with no rails or anything else to keep you on the track and a whole bunch of lunatic drivers looking to get ahead of you?  I still get chills.

The controls are what make this really special.  If you don’t want to shell out for the Wii wheel, which is pretty ridiculous when you look at it, then you can simply hold your Wiimote like a steering wheel at nine and three and steer that way.  The controls are almost shockingly smooth and responsive, if a little twitchy at the higher engine levels, and do a pretty solid job of approximating actual steering.

Even better, there are tons of characters and karts and bikes and tracks and everything else that you can think of available to unlock, so there’s lots of value in charging around all the various tracks in single player mode.  For the completionists in the audience this will be an absolute nirvana.  There are those who’ll be turned off by the fact that the unlockables are only available in single player mode as opposed to any of them being found in the multiplayer modes, but this is a fairly small issue when compared to the sheer amount of stuff to do here.

It’s great to find a Wii game that has plenty to it and doesn’t result in a sore arm or a general feeling of disappointment, and Mario Kart Wii is just that game.  Single player or multiplayer, you’re sure to have a good time with this one if you even vaguely enjoy a good racing game.

Let’s Tap Game Review–Let’s Not And Say We Did

I know I’m coming down awfully hard on today’s title, but I assure you it’s with good reason.  I’m going to preface the remarks today by saying, unequivocally:  Sega, thank you for taking chances.  These chances don’t always work out, as is the case with Let’s Tap for the Wii, but still–I’m glad you took the chance all the same.

Basically, Let’s Tap is a collection of five smaller games all controlled by the same method: setting your Wiimote down on a box, preferably a tissue box or some similar cardboard box and tapping on the box.  Yes, that’s right–in this game, you will almost never touch your Wiimote.  You’ll play games like Tap Runner (where you compete in a four-man foot race by tapping on the box your Wiimote rests upon with various degrees of pressure), Rhythm Tap (where you’ll tap out a series of rhythms in time with on-screen indicators), Silent Blocks (where you’ll remove blocks from a stack in a bid to lower an item stacked on top of them to the ground), Bubble Voyager (where you move a space-suited character through a series of obstacles) and Visualizer (which isn’t so much a game as it is a way to play around with the tapping system to make various special effects).

I’m somewhat at a loss by this game.  There’s no storyline here–it’s almost as if Sega were making a demo reel for some greater application to be announced later. I admit that the concept is unique enough–I definitely don’t remember the last time I played a game that literally required that I never touch my controller–but I’m just slightly dismayed by the results it yielded.  Sure, this game is fun, but not for very long.  There’s just so little TO it that it can’t produce much in the way of a fun factor.  All you do is tap, tap, tap a box over and over and over and over again for little or no clear reason.  And when you smack a box a couple hundred times with your hand or fingers in rapid succession, chances are you’re going to be left with a sore arm and not much else to show for it.

In fact, after playing a round of Let’s Tap, I’m left with a whole lot more questions than answers.  Why did they even bother with this game?  There’s so very little to it that it’s almost not worth playing, except as some kind of precursor, some kind of training implement to a future game.  And it could definitely be interesting–think about a version of Missile Command where you fire missiles by PRESSING A BUTTON corresponding to a tap on a box.  Especially if you were to use the Wiimote simultaneously to aim by turning the Wiimote slightly to the left or right to adjust an aiming reticle before firing.  That’d be awesome.

But I’m getting away from the point here–the point being that Let’s Tap, by itself, is really not much of a game.  It may represent a greater game to come, but for right now, Let’s Tap should better be titled Let’s Avoid This Piece of Crap And Get On With Our Lives.